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WTF do we do with awards?

Why, we put them on the mantel, of course.

Har har har.

My wife did NOT enjoy that joke.

Titanic won an epic fuck-ton of Oscars, seriously. At the 1998 Academy Awards, Titanic won the following 9 awards: Best Picture (WTF), Best Director (Why?), Best Visual Effects (Ok, sure), Best Original Music Score (that fucking flute?!), Best Costume Design (Ok, sure), Best Cinematography (It was pretty, sure), Best Film Editing (Meh), Best Sound Editing (Meh), Best Production Design (What?), AND Best Sound Mixing (What?).

Titanic also won too many Golden Globes as follows: Best Director (Why?), Best Original Score (more of that fucking flute?), and Best Original Song (Celine). I’m having Nam-style flashbacks to the year 1998 when all we heard all around us at all times was that fucking sea-flute and Celine Dion’s chest-beating. It was a rough time.

Meanwhile, the beautiful, heartbreaking, masterpiece from Paul Thomas Anderson called Magnolia received the following nominations at the Academy Awards: Tom Cruise, Best Supporting Actor (he lost to Michael Caine for The Cider House Rules, but won the Golden Globe very very deservingly, say what you will about Tom Cruise but he’s magnificent in Magnolia), Paul Thomas Anderson, Best Original Screenplay (lost to Alan Ball for American Beauty, this is a national embarrassment on par with Donald Trump) and Best Original Song to Aimee Mann (this went to Phil Collins for a fucking song from Tarzan).

Oh and don’t get me started on Boogie Nights. Coming soon.

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